How often do you hear the word “try.” It’s a good word. It has the best of intentions. But those three letters give us permission to back out.

We hear “try” in various contexts.

• “I’ll try to make it to your party,”
• “I’ll try to finish the project by Friday.”
• “I’ll try to be more punctual.”

On the surface, these statements seem like positive commitments. But, there’s an underlying message that is cause for concern. As someone who values reliability and clear communication, I’ve come to realize that the word “try” can be a subtle way of giving yourself permission to fail without consequence.

The Psychology Behind “Try”

When we use the word “try,” we’re essentially creating a safety net for ourselves. It’s a linguistic cushion that softens the blow of failure. By saying we’ll “try” to do something, we’re implicitly acknowledging that failure is a distinct possibility. We’re preparing others (and ourselves) for disappointment. This mindset causes problems:

1. It undermines commitment: By using “try,” we’re not fully committing to the task or promise at hand. We’re leaving room for doubt and uncertainty.
2. It reduces accountability: “I tried” becomes an easy excuse when we don’t follow through. It shifts the focus from the result to the effort, regardless of the outcome.
3. It lowers expectations: When others hear us say we’ll “try,” they may subconsciously prepare for the possibility that we won’t succeed or follow through. Don’t be surprised when next time, the assignment goes to the person who says, “Sure I can” and does.
4. It can be a form of self-sabotage: By not fully committing, we may not give our all to the task, setting ourselves up for failure.

The Power of Definitive Language

Contrast “I’ll try” with more definitive “I will” or “I’m going to.” These phrases carry a weight of commitment and determination that “try” lacks. We’re not only making a stronger promise to others but also to ourselves. Consider the difference between: “I’ll try to call you back today” and “I will call you back by 5 PM.”

The latter statement is clear. It gives others confidence in you. And when you come through the rewards continue to stack up and the important roles come your way.

When “Try” Is Appropriate

Is “try” ever appropriate? Of course. When faced with genuine uncertainty, “try” accurately reflects our intentions. For instance, “I’ll try to convince my boss to approve the budget increase” acknowledges that the final decision isn’t in our hands. The key is to be mindful of when and how we use “try.” Are we using it as a genuine expression of effort in the face of uncertainty, or as a subtle way to avoid full commitment?

Getting Rid of “Try” in Your Life

How can you move from the ambiguous “try” to something others can count on?

1. Make the expectations clear on the front end: Be specific about what you will do and by when.
2. Be honest about your capabilities: If you’re unsure, it’s better to communicate it clearly rather than offering a noncommittal “try.”
3. Learn to say no: Sometimes, it’s better to decline a request outright than to halfheartedly agree with “I’ll try.”
4. Follow through: When you say you’ll do something, do it. Be as good as your word. This habit builds trust and credibility.
5. Acknowledge limitations: If circumstances change, communicate proactively rather than using “I tried” as an after-the-fact excuse.

Conclusion

In the movie Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back, the character Yoda issued the famous line “Do. Or do not. There is no try.”

The next time you find yourself about to say “I’ll try,” pause and consider making a firmer commitment. You might be surprised at how this small change in language can lead to significant improvements in your relationships. Others learn they can count on you. You learn you can count on yourself. The rewards are significant.

“The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!”

– Marvin Phillips

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